• 12
  • September
    2011

There is so much to be sorted out when a couple separates that it can be easy for people to lose sight of longer-term issues, like their children's best interests. This is what leads to some people neglecting the interests of their children when they divorce, a phenomenon that is responsible for the horror stories Denver residents have heard about how difficult divorce is for children to deal with.

What gets lost in those "horror stories," though, is the fact that divorce does not have to be hard on children. With a little extra effort, it can be just fine.

A psychologist who wrote a book on the behavior adolescents exhibit after their parents divorce said children can "absolutely thrive" after their parents separate. It just depends on how it is done.

One thing, of course, is to limit how much you disagree in front of your children. If you and your spouse have reached a logjam on a particular issue, do not argue about it in front of them. Wait until you are in private or, ideally, when there is a third party present who can referee the action somewhat.

Second, it helps to repeatedly assure your children that you are not divorcing because you do not love them. Depending on how old your child is, you may want to offer some kind of explanation for the separation. In any event, it often helps to reassure your children that you both love them and care about them.

If you are worried about the impact your divorce might have on your children, there are plenty of parenting resources available on the Internet or at your local library. You might also want to ask your attorney if he or she can recommend a good family therapist or other professional.

Source: The Wall Street Journal, "The Child-Focused Divorce," Elizabeth Bernstein, Sept. 6, 2011.