• 16
  • September
    2011

Many Denver residents have the impression that when people divorce, they do so with a bang and split up because of one large obstacle, like infidelity or substance abuse. But you can file this under the divorce myths category, right alongside "divorce is always costly" and "every divorce is bitter and hurtful," because marriage and relationship experts say most marriages end for reasons that are simple, everyday and "boring."

That last comment comes from Pamela Haag, who wrote a book called "Marriage Confidential." She said a major reason why many couples divorce these days is the sum of "mundane, dreary, boring problems," like slow-building dissatisfaction with intimacy, the gradual accumulation of small annoyances and the snuffing out of the romantic flame.

About 60 percent of divorces in the U.S. come from "low-conflict marriages," according to marriage researcher Paul Amato. The term "low-conflict marriage"
basically refers to couples who do not really scream at one another or kick each other out of the house on a regular basis. Many of these couples, though, are stuck in a rut and no longer have the feelings of love and warmth that help keep marriages in place.

In fact, in many divorces, there is not even a distinct single straw that breaks the camel's back, so to speak, said Edward Hallowell, the director of the Hallowell Centers for Cognitive and Emotional Health and an author on the topics of marriage and divorce.

If you are dissatisfied with your marriage, it might not be a bad idea to take a walk by yourself and do some thinking. Are you interested in saving the marriage? If you are, an appointment with a relationship or marriage therapist might patch things up, or at least leave you feeling like you did what you could to keep the marriage intact. If you realize you are just not happy with your spouse, hopefully this information has shown you that you do not need to feel that you should not seek a divorce just because there is not one big issue you can point to. Many people divorce because their marriage has simply run its course, so you would be far from the only couple to do so.

Source: The Kansas City Star, "Till tedium do us part: Couples who want to avoid divorce had better sweat the small stuff," Heidi Stevens, Sept. 8, 2011