• 10
  • December
    2011

There are various milestones in individuals' lives, and there are the milestones of a couple's life together. One of those awaited milestones is having children. And what seems like it would be an overwhelmingly joyous time in a marriage can reportedly be a damaging time.

A study by the National Marriage Project and the Institute for American Values shows that bringing children into a marriage can lead to spousal unhappiness. NPR reports some suggestions on how couples can avoid that unhappiness and potential divorce after welcoming children into the world.

Professional Help

Many couples get pre-marital counseling in order to prepare them for the change that is marriage. Some mental-health professionals now suggest that couples get pre-baby counseling to prepare them for the stresses that parenting can put on a marriage.

Intimacy

Right after a woman gives birth to a child, there will be a time when intercourse is put on hold. But that hold shouldn't last for too long. The marriage study found that couples with kids rated their happiness higher when they were sexually satisfied. That could mean different types of intimacy to different couples. But getting a spouse to whatever makes them sexually satisfied will increase the happiness in a time that can be highly stressful and leave one feeling somewhat lonely.

Generosity

Having a child means that schedules are challenged. Time that used to be free for cleaning the house and getting groceries now gets filled with necessary diaper changes and desperately getting in sleep where couples can. The marriage study shows that spouses feel happier about their marriages when each individual spouse offers to help with chores for the house and family.

Happiness cannot be forced on any couple's marriage. It has to be wanted and a dual effort. While finding marital happiness, especially with children involved, is an admirable goal, sometimes it just isn't possible. Life is short, and divorce is sometimes the best route to living one's healthiest and happiest life.

Source

NPR: "To Keep Marriage Healthy When Baby Comes, Share Housework," Jennifer Ludden, Dec. 8, 2011